We just had a baby! This is Jane. Here she is, looking like she’s a DM about to run her first TPK (in, I suspect, the Temple of the Frog).
Since this baby seems to be taking up a lot of my time, there may be occasional interruptions in this site’s schedule of blog posting and Mearls adventure updates. I also have a big list of fixes I’d like to make to the Dungeon Robber game. I’d like to get a new release out this week – we’ll see if I can do it.
OK, enough excuses. Here is some D&D content that’s directly inspired by my being a new parent. More precisely, it’s inspired by the new-parent state of sleep deprivation in which weird images, dreams, and hallucinations are only an eyeblink away.
Here’s a pair of crazy helmets that popped into my head at 4 in the morning while I was closing my eyes for some sleep:
And here are the D&D rules that I made up for them as I was drifting off:
ANIMAL HELMS: The generals of a powerful D&D empire each wear unique animal helms. Each helm is forged in the likeness of two animals, on the left and right side, each of which can be detached. A detached animal becomes a full-sized version which can perform one specific mission. If an animal is killed, a baby animal appears on the side of the helmet. It grows up and is ready to perform its service after a year and a day. While one animal is detached from the helm, the AC protection of the helm-wearer’s armor is reduced by 1 (minumum 0); if both are away, the AC is reduced by 2. If the helm is removed, the summoned animal returns to the helm.
IBIS HELM: The ibises on either side of this helm can deliver messages. When detached, an ibis flies unerringly towards the person you name, whispers a message of any length, and then flies back to you with their response. The ibis can reach anyone in the world as long as they’re outside. If the target is inside a building, the ibis will circle the building for up to 24 hours before returning. The bird flies above the clouds at 100 miles an hour. It has AC 14 and 1 HP.
ELEPHANT HELM: As soon as it is detached, an elephant rampages forward at 30 feet per round. Anyone in its 10-foot-wide path must make an easy dexterity check or be trampled for 2d20 damage. Buildings take 1d4 damage. The elephant continues forward, or smashes at obstacles, until it is recalled by the helm-wearer (at which point it rampages back, trampling anything in its path again). It has normal elephant stats by edition. Each elephant can be summoned once per day and heals 5 HP per day.
WOLF TOWER: Here’s a bonus illustration of – a cool magic shield? a family coat of arms? I dunno.
That man-at-arms seems singularly unimpressed at the Wolf Tower Shield. Maybe he was hoping it would be larger, like an actual tower shield? Despite Magical Amazon showing you the item in a dungeon room, you never know what it’ll look like until it’s equipped.
I think he didn’t expect its name to be floating underneath it.
Hello Jane!
Congratulations! A baby girl and she’s BEAUTIFUL!
She’s going to love rubbing her face on daddy’s whiskers those first few years, then she’ll discover boys!
My advice? Buy a gun. ROFL
Because you’re not going to like ANY of the boys she brings home! LOL
Congratulations again!
Thanks! We’ll have to make sure her betrothal is with someone suitable.
Congratulations! My boy turned 21 months yesterday, and I have to say that the first 6-10 months seem almost peaceful (in some ways) compared to when he wasn’t mobile…..now, of course, he’s kicking my butt every day. You’ll learn to maximize what little free time you have left, though, trust me! And for the first six or eight months, learning how to catnap when the baby is also sleeping is very, very important….my memory of the first half of 2012 is a vague blur thanks to the sleepless nights.
Congrats! My son is cruising through his 10 month. I just want to say listen to the man above me.
Congratulations! She’s beautiful!
Whenever someone has a kid I think of a friend of mine who has his about 6 months ahead of us and whatever age his kid was, he’d always say the first X is the worst, then it gets a lot better, where (x=his kids age minus one week) or (x=his kid’s age minus one month) etc. Great reminder that yes, a baby or toddler can be hell on wheels but it just keeps getting better! We freaked out at about 3 weeks from the sleep deprivation etc but you adjust, you adjust.
Hey, Jane! Welcome!
Cool helmets as well.
Congratulations! Jeez, don’t worry about game fixes, just savour this time with your daughter! Every second of it – it only comes once. In contrast to Mike Monaco’s friend, I always tell people “x is a great age” where x = whatever age the kid is. And they are ALL “great ages”. Enjoy!
Just be careful about any Goblin King-related wishes …
“I saw my baby,
cryin’ hard as babe could cry.
What could I do?”
Congratulations to your new addition to your family. Hopefully Jane brings peace and serenity to your mystical universe.